St. John’s College Professor Discovers New Number

March 12, 2015 | By | Reply More

The eyes of the mathematical world are on Annapolis today as a St. John’s professor announced the discovery of a new number this morning. Dr. Jay Jupiter Moonglow, chair of the Department of Theoretical Anthropological Mathematics made his declaration during an impromptu press conference in the faculty restroom while wearing his pajamas.

Discovery Of New Number At St. John’s College

“We were making some routine mathematical calculations in our examination of Plato’s ‘Allegory of the Cave,’ when we noticed some discrepancies in our results that we couldn’t explain, “said Moonglow, while making large slow circles in the air with his index fingers. “We looked closer and were astounded to find a new number that, until now, had been unknown to man. This is the most exciting mathematical discovery since the Persians first discovered Zero.”

“Clim” Is New Number That Falls Between Six And Seven

The new number, dubbed “Clim.” falls between six and seven. New studies will have to be undertaken to determine how it will represented numerically, but some experts believe that it looks very similar to a hybrid between the numbers 4 and 8. The magnitude of this discovery is staggering in scope, as it affects every possible aspect of human existence. Architectural structures such as buildings and bridges will have to be checked to make sure they are safe for use, space probes may be trillions of miles off course, prescription doses may be dangerously high or low, and basketball shot clocks will need to be recalibrated. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

“Not to be dramatic, but this new number changes every aspect of human life,” sang Dr. Moonglow to the tune of “Broken Wings” by Mister Mister. “But this is also a triumph for every student, alumnus, and faculty member of St. John’s College. Maybe now we will get the respect we deserve rather then being seen as flake-central.”

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Category: City of Annapolis

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Staff writer. What the hell does that mean? Oh yeah, that's right. I do all the fucking grunt work while Linda, Wanda and Mark take all the credit. Hey, but you know what, that's OK. The checks always clear the bank. But come the day that they don't...let me just say four words.... Mark.Naked.Farm.Animals

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