Frustrated Maryland Man is “So Out Of Here,” It Isn’t Even Funny

Todd Flynn, 44, of Pasadena

Todd Flynn, 44, of Pasadena

Lifetime Maryland resident, Todd Flynn, 44, of Pasadena notified his friends on Saturday night that he “is so out of here,” as he is tired of high taxes and fees. Flynn made the statement after loudly shushing the crowd at a party held at his former brother-in-law’s home off Jumper’s Hole Road following the viewing of a mixed martial arts bout on television.

Frustration Boils Over

“I’m tired of the bullshit and other shit and I’m getting out of this shithole of a state as fast as I can,” stated Flynn, loudly. “If you [people] want to stay here and let Governor Martin O’Steally [O’Malley] rob you blind, then there’s nothing I can do for you [people].”

When told that O’Malley was no longer Maryland Governor, Flynn said that was irrelevant and that he was still leaving. The former governor’s fiscal policies have been controversial among some Maryland residents over the past few years, with over 35 taxes and fees being raised since 2011. And, although Flynn has publicly threatened to leave Maryland several times over the past decade, he emphasized that this time he was serious.

“I don’t give a shit what all you [people] think…I am so [expletive] out of here,” Flynn continued.

When asked for clarification and a definitive timeline the next morning, Flynn declined to comment, stating that he had difficulty recalling the details of the previous night’s statement. He also had lost his wallet and his Galaxy S4 cellular phone, which he had last seen at a Denny’s in Glen Burnie at approximately 3:45am.

Governor Hogan’s office declined to comment on Todd Flynn’s statements. Hogan was elected to office in the November 2014 election.

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Category: State of Maryland

About the Author ()

Staff writer. What the hell does that mean? Oh yeah, that's right. I do all the fucking grunt work while Linda, Wanda and Mark take all the credit. Hey, but you know what, that's OK. The checks always clear the bank. But come the day that they don't...let me just say four words.... Mark.Naked.Farm.Animals

Comments (2)

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  1. John Johnston says:

    sounds like the guy needs to get to an AA class than to move anywhere. He has a problem that he needs to deal with before adding to the problems of other states.
    If he can remember what happened the night before than he seems to have a problem. Especially if alcohol is the reason of his black outs. If not he might have some type of md final issues.
    I hope he gets the help that he needs, what ever it is.

  2. gordo says:

    Lighten up, Francis…..”The Crabwrapper is a satire news organization based in Annapolis, Maryland. The content on here, while often grounded in reality, is generally ridiculous crap that we make up and should be treated as such.”

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