Overlooked Legislation Forces Maryland to Convert to Metric System

Thanks to an unnoticed rider in a piece of farm legislation passed during the last legislative session, Maryland is poised to become the first state to completely convert to the metric system. The action is apparently due to the persistent efforts of both the Ruler and Measuring Cup lobbies, who have been pushing for a conversion since the early 1970s.

The United States lags behind most countries in adopting the Metric System.

The United States lags behind most countries in adopting the Metric System.

“This is an exciting time for our country as Maryland is given the privilege of leading us into the future,” said Del. Kenneth Birchbach, D-District 48, who slipped the rider, unnoticed, into unrelated legislation during the eleventh hour. “Finally, Americans will realize what Europeans and drug dealers have known for decades…that the Metric System is just fantastic!”

Many Anticipate Problems With Compliance

Others seemed a little apprehensive about the impact of the new law, especially the ramifications for businesses and government entities that are required to complete the conversion by January 1, 2017. Devices of all kinds will be affected including grocery store produce scales, gas pumps, and speedometers. Plus, labeling will be an issue when it comes to things like swimming pool depths, speed limit and distance signs, amusement park “”You Must Be This Tall To Ride” signs, and even athletic fields.

“This will be confusing on a high school and college level to be sure,” said an unnamed source within the NFL, “But we are going to have to figure out how we are going to play games at M&T Stadium. Everyone, from the players to the announcers, will have to get used to dealing with meters when they come to Baltimore. It will be tough, but what choice do we have? Games will come down to fourth down and centimeters from now on.”

Students Left in the Dark?

Luckily, the medical industry has long since converted to the Metric System, so there would be no changes that would lead to dangerous or life-threatening situations as the rest of Maryland adjusts to this abrupt change. But, to be sure, this will be a large learning curve for most Marylanders as they leap into a measurement system that most American schools spend only a week or two covering in fourth grade and then never revisit again until students are forced to understand the bare minimum of concepts when they begin to buy marijuana in high school.

“This is ridiculous,” sputtered Dave Spracht, 56, of Rockville. “All my life, I’ve lived 13 miles from Washington D.C., but now I live like 20 kilometers. So essentially, I’m now almost twice as far as I was before. Excuse my language, but this is bullshit.”


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Category: State of Maryland

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